Lost Cause

Eli knew there was never going to be an answer as soon as he hit send. “I wish you were here and I could be in your arms like the beginning. Good night.” The text had said. And even hour later there was still response. His relationship with Matthew was over, this third try that Eli had forced him to agree to was as unsuccessful as the previous chances Matthew had given him.

He used to think Matthew was the one and their relationship won’t end easily, and it would last if not forever, a long time. He loved him more than he had loved anyone else except Alee and that was because the relationship had been long; 9 months.

Now, sitting in his room, sulking he realized that gay-life relationships never lasted. This time Eli was partially at fault for complaining and restricting him too much at the beginning, but the last few weeks had shown him that even if he were perfect the outcome would've been the same.  Now he knew that nothing would've made a difference. He was either incapable of love altogether or Eli was just not the one for him.

Eli hated the expanding distance between them. Today was the first time they didn't talk for 24 hours. And he knew that it meant they were gradually falling apart. Eli still remembered the beginning when he obliged everything he had said. Matthew had been so kind and caring. He texted him every couple of hours asking how he was doing. He had always made time for him unlike now that he was always looking for a way out, avoiding Eli as much as he could.

He sent another text with only a emoticon and hit send. “J” He was hoping he’d understand what it meant. I told you I miss being in your arms and you said nothing, how cruel can you get? Our relationship was never more than sex for you was it? He wanted to scream, but he knew saying those things was going to cause more harm than good.

Still no answer. He plugged his iPhone to the computer to charge and went to bed. Eli would've given his life to wake up to a good morning text from Matthew.  As unlikely as waking up in another country. He had never even used endearments like “baby” “honey” or…even during sex,  a good morning text? Heh. His last thought before falling asleep was that had Matthew ever used endearments to call the other guy? 

Everyone is entitled to dream. Even YOU And ME!

Eli Mond was enjoying a joint with a couple of his friends when suddenly a thought occurred to him: He needed to stop reading and start writing. He was going to start his own blog, and he was going to put his writing ability to test rather than reading plenty of novels and expanding his vocabulary. He thought he was never going to be able to actually write if he continued on learning new words without using them. English was his second language and that fact had always deterred him from transferring his imagination to words. 

Once he got home, he made a beeline for his computer without changing his clothes, taking off his shoes or even drinking water like he always had when he came home and typed in google.com. He was going to start a blogspot blog. He didn’t know where to start and how to attract people but he figured he didn’t mind writing for nobody before he was actually sure he was doing it right. He knew perfection was out of the question but he went for writing decent enough for people to read and understand the stories he was willing to share with them.

He was going to start off by writing his daily diary with adding a smidgen of fiction to it to make it more exciting. He was also going to write little reviews for the books he really liked and had previously quoted in his blog posts.

For the first article, the welcome note, he welcomed everyone to his blog and said how much it meant to him and that writing had always been a dream of his and he was really happy to finally being able to start from somewhere. Even if the said somewhere was a hit-less blog that maybe no one was ever going to read. He also thanked the one who gave him the courage to follow his dreams, Tyra Banks. Her first fiction novel Modelland made him believe in himself and think more about his dreams before dismissing them because he thought he was useless. Eli realized he was a Forgetta just like Tookie. Eli also had always been subjected to cruelty from his friends and family. Everyone’s entitled to dream. Even you. The homeless guy had said to Tookie, the heroine who Eli found very relatable.

Welcome. And yes the blog will be written in story-form. He said, she said stuff.